Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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