One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
