a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
