weddingsv make me drug and hornr
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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