i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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