and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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