They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
