Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
