I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
