everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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