What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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