i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
