I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
