I should be sponsored by Trojan
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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