I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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