He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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