I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
