The maid of honor just puked.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
