I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
