she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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