I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize