I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
