I wish I only lived at night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
