I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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