yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
