so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
