Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
