So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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