the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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