I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
