So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
