Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
