Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I enjoy the company of your penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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