He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
