he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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