im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
