I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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