Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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