I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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