i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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