Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize