While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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