I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i barfeds in our rink
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
