I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
