I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
