some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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