The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
