i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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