Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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