Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
