xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
cat food counts as protein by the way
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
