it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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