I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
