Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
