God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
