y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
