So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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