your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
