I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.