I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.