the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
