took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.