You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.