I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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