so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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