Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize