Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
