Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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