Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
